Wow....where oh where do I begin.
New posts to come soon
Saturday, January 26, 2019
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
The easiest and hardest goodbye
I hoped that I never had to write this post. Nobody should have to write a post like this, but here goes.
Tragedy can bring people together in ways that nobody can comprehend. I stopped posting for a while due to a major issue between a family member and myself. It was a bunch of upset feelings and the way a lot of stuff had gone on behind closed doors.
Fast forward to a week and a half ago. The family member sends me a text message out of the blue letting me know my Mom was in the hospital again. Normally this wouldn't bother me, since mom was prone to having seizures and sometimes having to be hospitalized. This time, she was transported to the hospital unconscious, and for about two hours, she wasn't responding.
That scared the shit out of me! Mom's had her share of seizures, and hospital stays for other things, but something this time totally felt different. I told my husband I had to get up there to see her ASAP. I remember yelling at him that I didn't want to hear from my hospital or my family that my mother died while coming up there.
Thankfully that didn't happen, but boy was I mad when I got to that hospital. However, I did find my mom did gain consciousness way before I got up there.....
She was in the ER and actually in a bed, and not a gurney, but she was a mess. She had a breathing tube in, was heavily sedated, and in honestly she looked high, confused and really depressing.
I have seen my mom in some sad positions, but this one was the worst. It was just so frustrating to have seen her in that state, and also in previous months, I could see that her health, and overall quality of life was going downhill.
Later that night, she was transferred to the ICU. I went with dad to answer some ridiculous questions about mom's medications, health and recreational activities. It was almost midnight by the time we got home.
The next two days they had tried to get mom's oxygen levels up, and to get her breathing tube out. She was fine, and even had been moved to a private room.
Then the weekend came...
Friday evening into early saturday she took a turn for the worse, and had her oxygen levels plummet, She went back to being intubated again, and was moved back to ICU. That was another sign for me to get back up there and see her again.
During this fiasco I never saw or heard anything official from a doctor, which I guess is typical, but it is really annoying. Saturday morning, dad and I went to the hospital to visit. I finally got to meet the doctor who was responsible for her care. He is a jackass. He walked in, introduced himself, didn't make eye contact, checked the chart and told us "her prognosis is poor. Do you have any questions?" and walked out after I asked one question.Not exactly what you expect after hearing news like that. A minute later a social worker came in and asked what our long term plans are. I know she meant well, but I wanted to tell her to fuck off, and let us have some time to let that sink in. Later that day we informed our family and others as to what was going on
Monday was a bad day. I went to work as normal, but was getting text messages throughout the day from family. There were only two options left for mom, and neither were good,
Her lungs were done, but her heart and brain were fine. She could have a tracheotomy, (a breathing tube permanently inserted into her throat,) a feeding tube into her stomach, catherized, colostomized, and basically bedridden.
Her other option was to be taken off life support, and fall asleep in death.
We all knew her opinion on the matter, in the past she had mentioned that she did not want to be on machines the rest of her life.
Monday afternoon Dad went to the hospital and got to ask her one more time for her opinion, She was sedated, and restrained so they had to wake her up....and nodding, that yes she wanted to go.
Tuesday we got to say our goodbyes. I cried so much, but I had to remind myself that she wanted this, that she wouldn't be suffering, and that it's only temporary.
An hour after I got to say my goodbye, my mother passed away.
The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.I'm sad that I lost another best friend, that the person who enriched my life, fostered my love of reading, writing, technology, and my love for animals is no longer around. At the same time, I know she isn't suffering anymore, that she's not dependent on her oxygen tanks, or feeling like a burden to her children.
It was an easy goodbye because she isn't suffering, and that we as a family had tried and prepared for it.She had several health problems, and every seizure, stroke and fall was that much closer to the end.
It's still hard not to have her here. Sharknado 2 was on the day after, and I wanted to call her and tell her it's on, but she wasn't there.....
My mother was a beautiful person and a wonderful soul that will be missed.
Linda Winters
1951-2014
Tragedy can bring people together in ways that nobody can comprehend. I stopped posting for a while due to a major issue between a family member and myself. It was a bunch of upset feelings and the way a lot of stuff had gone on behind closed doors.
Fast forward to a week and a half ago. The family member sends me a text message out of the blue letting me know my Mom was in the hospital again. Normally this wouldn't bother me, since mom was prone to having seizures and sometimes having to be hospitalized. This time, she was transported to the hospital unconscious, and for about two hours, she wasn't responding.
That scared the shit out of me! Mom's had her share of seizures, and hospital stays for other things, but something this time totally felt different. I told my husband I had to get up there to see her ASAP. I remember yelling at him that I didn't want to hear from my hospital or my family that my mother died while coming up there.
Thankfully that didn't happen, but boy was I mad when I got to that hospital. However, I did find my mom did gain consciousness way before I got up there.....
She was in the ER and actually in a bed, and not a gurney, but she was a mess. She had a breathing tube in, was heavily sedated, and in honestly she looked high, confused and really depressing.
I have seen my mom in some sad positions, but this one was the worst. It was just so frustrating to have seen her in that state, and also in previous months, I could see that her health, and overall quality of life was going downhill.
Later that night, she was transferred to the ICU. I went with dad to answer some ridiculous questions about mom's medications, health and recreational activities. It was almost midnight by the time we got home.
The next two days they had tried to get mom's oxygen levels up, and to get her breathing tube out. She was fine, and even had been moved to a private room.
Then the weekend came...
Friday evening into early saturday she took a turn for the worse, and had her oxygen levels plummet, She went back to being intubated again, and was moved back to ICU. That was another sign for me to get back up there and see her again.
During this fiasco I never saw or heard anything official from a doctor, which I guess is typical, but it is really annoying. Saturday morning, dad and I went to the hospital to visit. I finally got to meet the doctor who was responsible for her care. He is a jackass. He walked in, introduced himself, didn't make eye contact, checked the chart and told us "her prognosis is poor. Do you have any questions?" and walked out after I asked one question.Not exactly what you expect after hearing news like that. A minute later a social worker came in and asked what our long term plans are. I know she meant well, but I wanted to tell her to fuck off, and let us have some time to let that sink in. Later that day we informed our family and others as to what was going on
Monday was a bad day. I went to work as normal, but was getting text messages throughout the day from family. There were only two options left for mom, and neither were good,
Her lungs were done, but her heart and brain were fine. She could have a tracheotomy, (a breathing tube permanently inserted into her throat,) a feeding tube into her stomach, catherized, colostomized, and basically bedridden.
Her other option was to be taken off life support, and fall asleep in death.
We all knew her opinion on the matter, in the past she had mentioned that she did not want to be on machines the rest of her life.
Monday afternoon Dad went to the hospital and got to ask her one more time for her opinion, She was sedated, and restrained so they had to wake her up....and nodding, that yes she wanted to go.
Tuesday we got to say our goodbyes. I cried so much, but I had to remind myself that she wanted this, that she wouldn't be suffering, and that it's only temporary.
An hour after I got to say my goodbye, my mother passed away.
The last week has been a roller coaster of emotions.I'm sad that I lost another best friend, that the person who enriched my life, fostered my love of reading, writing, technology, and my love for animals is no longer around. At the same time, I know she isn't suffering anymore, that she's not dependent on her oxygen tanks, or feeling like a burden to her children.
It was an easy goodbye because she isn't suffering, and that we as a family had tried and prepared for it.She had several health problems, and every seizure, stroke and fall was that much closer to the end.
It's still hard not to have her here. Sharknado 2 was on the day after, and I wanted to call her and tell her it's on, but she wasn't there.....
My mother was a beautiful person and a wonderful soul that will be missed.
Linda Winters
1951-2014
Sunday, April 13, 2014
I'm alive
Again, I must apologize for my lack of regularity in posting.
I think I have come to a point where I choose not to overshare the drama of my life. Seriously, it's become work, gym, sleep repeat. Throw in grocery shopping and church and there you have it.
I wish I could be telling you about the apartment hunting, or even house hunting we do on weekends, the ideas I have for decorating said place, cooking vegetarian meals, and taking selfies of my rapid weight loss.
My life is boring. No other way to put it.
Here's a good Rilo Kiley video. I love this song, and it helps with my writing. Enjoy.
I think I have come to a point where I choose not to overshare the drama of my life. Seriously, it's become work, gym, sleep repeat. Throw in grocery shopping and church and there you have it.
I wish I could be telling you about the apartment hunting, or even house hunting we do on weekends, the ideas I have for decorating said place, cooking vegetarian meals, and taking selfies of my rapid weight loss.
My life is boring. No other way to put it.
Here's a good Rilo Kiley video. I love this song, and it helps with my writing. Enjoy.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Wrting Sample
Anyone willing to help me beta read, edit etc. Please contact me!!
Prologue
Memorial Day Weekend,
The house had belonged to some
Hollywood type from decades ago, and was abandoned for as long as many could
remember. The disarray of the compound was obvious proof. Windows were broken,
walls were decorated with graffiti and floors were torn.
The house in recent
years was used for underground parties.
I shouldn't be here
She thought Bad things happen at these parties.
it would have been a
last hurray for her, being accepted to college and moving from the area soon.
A few people would
walk by and ask her if the rumors were true. Janie Alexander was leaving the
Dust bowl after all.
Friends would come up
and offer their congratulations. People would ask to pose for pictures, others
would try and give cups of alcohol mixed with god only knows.
She scanned the
estate looking for one of the men in her life.
She caught a glimpse of the one she was trying to avoid.
As if saved by the
bell, the lights and sirens of police cars coming up the streets, and the long
driveway. The party was starting to disperse. Bottles and red cups were being
dropped, people ran, and in the commotion, sparks ignited.
Looking out her rear
view mirror, Janie saw the fire consume the estate.
That was the last
time she was in her hometown.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Thirtysomething?!
Today is my 34th birthday! I hope 34 is the new 21, and I can kick this year in the ass, and leave last year in the dust. It wasn't a bad year, but it wasn't a good one either.
Anyway, happy birthday to me!!!
Anyway, happy birthday to me!!!
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014 A year of Changes?
You must be thinking "oh god, another post about new years resolutions, prefaced by the comment that 'I don't believe in resolutions' line....well you're partially right.
I don't believe in resolutions, and I don't really make any or try to follow anything. I try to make things happen as they happen. So, since this is the time that changes are to be made, so why not throw out there the changes I want to make, and figure out how to do them. Maybe later in the year, I can look back and laugh again.
Before I go on too much, I should state that things could always be worse. I could be the cracked out whore passed out on the side of the sidewalk. I could also be dead, or living back with my parents driving around in my POS PTCruiser, and being overdrawn three days after I got paid. I am very fortunate for being in the situation that I'm in. Do not get that wrong, but like any imperfect human being, you want to tweak things enough to work to fit.
I want to become a stay at home wife. I think my inner 21 year old is having a conniption fit at seeing that. I always wanted to be a writer, and the last two NaNoWriMo competitions have proved that it is hard for me to write, work a full time job, and manage whatever family drama I might have to deal with. I have at least three stories that are written out, but need depth, and plot holes filled. I seriously think the only way I could do it would be if I didn't have to work, or maybe worked part time, so I could focus on my writing. I was unemployed or severely underemployed most of 2012, and I did squat with my writing, so maybe not.
I do want a new job. I love where I work, but It's a dead end job, and I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm disposable, and even though I am invaluable, I'm still on the temp side, and only being paid minimum wage. Hubby wants to try again, and move out of the desert. I would love that. I hate this part of California, and would love to be near the beach, near Disneyland, and near some other things we just don't have in the desert. I also know that it costs an arm and a leg out there, and I just don't see husband making those sacrifices.
I have been talking with him about losing weight and doing things to get better. He has started exercising, and I have decided after a temporary glitch and the flu to hit the gym with fervor. Let's see how long this lasts.
One more thing that hit me, the roadtrip from hell was 9 years ago this year. Holy cow. That week changed my life forever. I'm sure next year I'll find a way to honor it.
Anyway, the lure of finishing a chapter, or fixing one of many plot holes in my stories is calling me.
I don't believe in resolutions, and I don't really make any or try to follow anything. I try to make things happen as they happen. So, since this is the time that changes are to be made, so why not throw out there the changes I want to make, and figure out how to do them. Maybe later in the year, I can look back and laugh again.
Before I go on too much, I should state that things could always be worse. I could be the cracked out whore passed out on the side of the sidewalk. I could also be dead, or living back with my parents driving around in my POS PTCruiser, and being overdrawn three days after I got paid. I am very fortunate for being in the situation that I'm in. Do not get that wrong, but like any imperfect human being, you want to tweak things enough to work to fit.
I want to become a stay at home wife. I think my inner 21 year old is having a conniption fit at seeing that. I always wanted to be a writer, and the last two NaNoWriMo competitions have proved that it is hard for me to write, work a full time job, and manage whatever family drama I might have to deal with. I have at least three stories that are written out, but need depth, and plot holes filled. I seriously think the only way I could do it would be if I didn't have to work, or maybe worked part time, so I could focus on my writing. I was unemployed or severely underemployed most of 2012, and I did squat with my writing, so maybe not.
I do want a new job. I love where I work, but It's a dead end job, and I have been told on more than one occasion that I'm disposable, and even though I am invaluable, I'm still on the temp side, and only being paid minimum wage. Hubby wants to try again, and move out of the desert. I would love that. I hate this part of California, and would love to be near the beach, near Disneyland, and near some other things we just don't have in the desert. I also know that it costs an arm and a leg out there, and I just don't see husband making those sacrifices.
I have been talking with him about losing weight and doing things to get better. He has started exercising, and I have decided after a temporary glitch and the flu to hit the gym with fervor. Let's see how long this lasts.
One more thing that hit me, the roadtrip from hell was 9 years ago this year. Holy cow. That week changed my life forever. I'm sure next year I'll find a way to honor it.
Anyway, the lure of finishing a chapter, or fixing one of many plot holes in my stories is calling me.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
2013 in Review
Wow, this year has flown by. It seems like yesterday I was just coming home from having my heart attack. So many things have changed. I have a different mindset heading into 2014, and I intend to make it my year to shine bright like a diamond. (sorry was listening to that song.) I don't like to make resolutions, because after a month, you forget them, break them and maybe until around this time do you decide to do anything about them.
I decided to look at bucket list and see if anything's changed, still haven't ran a marathon, or did Karaoke at the House of Blues, but I have done some cool stuff, like helped publish the phone book. I also haven't been much out of the desert, but I spent a lot of time cultivating good friendships like with my friend Jessica, my cousin Donna, and others, spending time with my husband, family, and also recovering from my broken heart. I made a more concerted effort to try and win NaNoWriMo, but still fell short. I did however go farther in my story than I have the last three years.
In 2014, I'm not sure what will happen. Will I be working? Will I be in the desert? Will I ever get a story finished? Am I asking too many questions? Well, tune in and find out.
I decided to look at bucket list and see if anything's changed, still haven't ran a marathon, or did Karaoke at the House of Blues, but I have done some cool stuff, like helped publish the phone book. I also haven't been much out of the desert, but I spent a lot of time cultivating good friendships like with my friend Jessica, my cousin Donna, and others, spending time with my husband, family, and also recovering from my broken heart. I made a more concerted effort to try and win NaNoWriMo, but still fell short. I did however go farther in my story than I have the last three years.
In 2014, I'm not sure what will happen. Will I be working? Will I be in the desert? Will I ever get a story finished? Am I asking too many questions? Well, tune in and find out.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
A NaNo Update
I am SO behind on my nano project. Any attempt to write this week at work was squashed, due to work projects. I'm trying to make an effort to catch up.
It's not going well. I have been distracting myself watching the Hunger Games and Scott Pilgrim. Actually the movie breaks helped with getting the ideas flowing back.
Just taking this time to mention that yes, I'm alive and kicking and trying to get stuff done. :)
It's not going well. I have been distracting myself watching the Hunger Games and Scott Pilgrim. Actually the movie breaks helped with getting the ideas flowing back.
Just taking this time to mention that yes, I'm alive and kicking and trying to get stuff done. :)
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Apologies
Nothing really new to report on. Just prepping for NaNoWriMo, working, and working out. We had our second wedding anniversary...good times, but nothing earth shattering just yet
I hope to have some updates during November, maybe some idea on if and where we are moving to.
here's a lil earworm for you. Enjoy this Oldie but a Goodie. :)
I hope to have some updates during November, maybe some idea on if and where we are moving to.
here's a lil earworm for you. Enjoy this Oldie but a Goodie. :)
Monday, October 7, 2013
Music Monday Imagine Dragons
Try and get this ear worm out of your head. I have loved this song for months, but just recently re-discovered it.
NaNoWriMo, Work, and the Veggie Life
November is NaNoWriMo or National Novel Writing Month. I'm going to enter this year, and hopefully win! I might try again with one of my older stories Hopefully there are no heart attacks, no wanting to kill dogs, and no family drama this year! If there is family drama, it would be my in-laws, but that's another story.
Hubby got a job tho!! He's working for a property management company out here in the desert. I know he's not thrilled with it, but I'm freaking excited. Having to deal with him bouncing in and out of work for the last year has been hard. Don't even get me started on the Pomona mess.
I upped my gym days to three days a week. I'm gonna start four days soon. I might just work up to six days. I had a person who I take classes with complement me on my transformation. The scale might not reflect my progress, but my body sure has. I gained some muscle weight, but my clothes are looser, and my gut is smaller. (I can see some loose skin)
I'm thinking for 2014, I'm going to try and go vegetarian/vegan. I know it won't be easy, and I'll get all kinds of resistance from my husband. Should be interesting. I might try and blog daily about my experience. There are some really awesome Vegetarian and Vegan cookbooks. that I have been looking at on Amazon, and downloading to my kindle. I've also raided my vegan cousin's bookshelves for books.
So much to be excited about, but I've got some pre-writing research to do.
Hubby got a job tho!! He's working for a property management company out here in the desert. I know he's not thrilled with it, but I'm freaking excited. Having to deal with him bouncing in and out of work for the last year has been hard. Don't even get me started on the Pomona mess.
I upped my gym days to three days a week. I'm gonna start four days soon. I might just work up to six days. I had a person who I take classes with complement me on my transformation. The scale might not reflect my progress, but my body sure has. I gained some muscle weight, but my clothes are looser, and my gut is smaller. (I can see some loose skin)
I'm thinking for 2014, I'm going to try and go vegetarian/vegan. I know it won't be easy, and I'll get all kinds of resistance from my husband. Should be interesting. I might try and blog daily about my experience. There are some really awesome Vegetarian and Vegan cookbooks. that I have been looking at on Amazon, and downloading to my kindle. I've also raided my vegan cousin's bookshelves for books.
So much to be excited about, but I've got some pre-writing research to do.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Stuck in the Middle of Nowhere?
My husband and I grew up in the desert. I was fortunate enough to escape and live in Orange County, and spend a few months in New Jersey. He's been out here pretty much his whole life.
So, when we were talking about where we wanted to live, he automatically said out of the desert. He tried in vain to get jobs in Orange County, and in the Inland Empire. He did get a job in Pomona, but that didn't really pan out (Long story short, the commute was too much.). You could imagine my surprise when I found out that he got a job out here in the desert.
Yeah, we're staying here in the desert. As much as we both hate it.
I actually don't mind being here so much. I miss the small town environment a bit. The area is getting over ran with people and the snowbirds....oh don't get me started on that!!!
welp, thats it for now. I'm watching some rasslin, and im gonna enjoy the rest of my night.
So, when we were talking about where we wanted to live, he automatically said out of the desert. He tried in vain to get jobs in Orange County, and in the Inland Empire. He did get a job in Pomona, but that didn't really pan out (Long story short, the commute was too much.). You could imagine my surprise when I found out that he got a job out here in the desert.
Yeah, we're staying here in the desert. As much as we both hate it.
I actually don't mind being here so much. I miss the small town environment a bit. The area is getting over ran with people and the snowbirds....oh don't get me started on that!!!
welp, thats it for now. I'm watching some rasslin, and im gonna enjoy the rest of my night.
Music Monday...
I love this song, and I don't have much else. Went to a company dinner, and had a couple martini's. :)
A great workout song!!!
A great workout song!!!
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster
I didn't realize how strange this video is, but I LOVE this song right now, or anything by them really. Enjoy!
The Climb. A story about a story.
I went back to my parents' house yesterday. It helped with the inspiration for my story. Parts of it take place in my hometown, and it was nice to go back and get that inspiration and to reminisce of sorts. I drove all the way to Twentynine Palms and back, which gave me ideas for later scenes, and even how I want my epilogue to turn out. The drive back down the hill at night was fuel for me to add to my prologue and to set up parts of the story.
I still need a beta reader and possibly a proof reader. That's a pretty big task, since I want to finish this first before I let other eyes read this.
I read the version I had from when I was nineteen and oh my goodness it made me laugh so much. It was blatantly obvious who I was talking about character wise, and the plot was just so laughable. I think this story will blow my original out of the water.
I hope to have another thousand or so words done today. I would love having this out of the way before NaNoWriMo so I can once and for all get my other thriller out and on the screen.
Anyhoo, the title of this blog came from the amazing song by No Doubt. Amazing song by amazing band at an amazing show. I might even make the title of my book Tragic Kingdom....well here's a live version of this song. :)
Anyhoo, the title of this blog came from the amazing song by No Doubt. Amazing song by amazing band at an amazing show. I might even make the title of my book Tragic Kingdom....well here's a live version of this song. :)
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Back, forth and back again
I've been on a roller coaster of emotions the last few weeks.
Work is entering it's stressful time. The book is about to close, and everyone's stress level including mine is at its highest. It reminds me why I hated working at an office environment.
I hate retail with a passion. I also think retail out here just plain sucks.
I'm seriously considering going back to Massage Therapy again. I loved doing it, but it took its toll on me. Turned out that physical toll is/was heart related. Now I have a clean bill of health, I think I can do it again, and not feel so exhausted. There are a few problems with it though. My license and insurance have expired. My mom said she would help with any of those obstacles, including paying for the National Exam. ($200, $200 and $225 respectively)
Hubby isn't exactly the most supportive of my massage work, and I can't completely blame him. Massage work out here, and probably anywhere else is a streaky kind of racket. You can work at a spa, where you're low person on the totem pole, get the crappy hours and have a client tell you you were wonderful to your face, and tell your manager that it was the worst massage ever. You could work at one of those "Spa Clinic" places that advertises a cheap massage, and does a good job in promoting to the masses. I even worked at one of those places. I actually enjoyed it there, but they have a tendency to ride you hard there. I was doing 6-7 massages a day, and thanks to my living situation at the time, not a lot of sleep. Chiropractors offices and Physical therapy offices can sometimes see you like an annoying fly buzzing around, or they want you to whore yourself out to boost sales.
Alright enough about that. Hubby's unemployed again. That's just so frustrating to me that I won't get into the details about that. Just know that I'm not a happy camper right now.
Also on a related note, my sister filed for divorce. I love my sister, and I love my soon to be brother in law, so it makes the situation awkward for me.
Being divorced myself, I have volunteered my support for my sister from an arm's length (or about 50 miles...) I know what she's going through, and she seems to be reacting the same way I did when I was going thru mine. Sometimes it's just better to let someone do their thing, make their mistakes and deal with the consequences.
Speaking of consequences, I dumped a handful of friends from my social networks. Most were friends of friends, or people who still talk to or connected to my ex husband. Others are old friends who have drifted away. Sometimes you think you have something in common, only to find that you're just different people, or that they just don't want to be your friend, and only be there when they need you. I'm at the point in my life when I decided that if you want to be my friend, it has to work both ways.
This brings me to my writing. I think I might just lock myself in the other room right now and try to iron out some details of my stories. I have some writing energy, and a friend I can bounce ideas off of.....and I'm gonna send "Escape" to NaNoWriMo again this year.
Alright, my ipod is playing Natalia Kills...That's my cue to start writing my novel.
I'll try and blog more too!
Work is entering it's stressful time. The book is about to close, and everyone's stress level including mine is at its highest. It reminds me why I hated working at an office environment.
I hate retail with a passion. I also think retail out here just plain sucks.
I'm seriously considering going back to Massage Therapy again. I loved doing it, but it took its toll on me. Turned out that physical toll is/was heart related. Now I have a clean bill of health, I think I can do it again, and not feel so exhausted. There are a few problems with it though. My license and insurance have expired. My mom said she would help with any of those obstacles, including paying for the National Exam. ($200, $200 and $225 respectively)
Hubby isn't exactly the most supportive of my massage work, and I can't completely blame him. Massage work out here, and probably anywhere else is a streaky kind of racket. You can work at a spa, where you're low person on the totem pole, get the crappy hours and have a client tell you you were wonderful to your face, and tell your manager that it was the worst massage ever. You could work at one of those "Spa Clinic" places that advertises a cheap massage, and does a good job in promoting to the masses. I even worked at one of those places. I actually enjoyed it there, but they have a tendency to ride you hard there. I was doing 6-7 massages a day, and thanks to my living situation at the time, not a lot of sleep. Chiropractors offices and Physical therapy offices can sometimes see you like an annoying fly buzzing around, or they want you to whore yourself out to boost sales.
Alright enough about that. Hubby's unemployed again. That's just so frustrating to me that I won't get into the details about that. Just know that I'm not a happy camper right now.
Also on a related note, my sister filed for divorce. I love my sister, and I love my soon to be brother in law, so it makes the situation awkward for me.
Being divorced myself, I have volunteered my support for my sister from an arm's length (or about 50 miles...) I know what she's going through, and she seems to be reacting the same way I did when I was going thru mine. Sometimes it's just better to let someone do their thing, make their mistakes and deal with the consequences.
Speaking of consequences, I dumped a handful of friends from my social networks. Most were friends of friends, or people who still talk to or connected to my ex husband. Others are old friends who have drifted away. Sometimes you think you have something in common, only to find that you're just different people, or that they just don't want to be your friend, and only be there when they need you. I'm at the point in my life when I decided that if you want to be my friend, it has to work both ways.
This brings me to my writing. I think I might just lock myself in the other room right now and try to iron out some details of my stories. I have some writing energy, and a friend I can bounce ideas off of.....and I'm gonna send "Escape" to NaNoWriMo again this year.
Alright, my ipod is playing Natalia Kills...That's my cue to start writing my novel.
I'll try and blog more too!
Friday, August 2, 2013
Making changes
I'm gonna be making some changes to the blog (title, and design mainly.) Any and all suggestions are welcome.
I've been slowly getting back on track with my writing. I've realized that I've become a visual writer, or a writer that sees the scene playing out in their mind, and then freaks out because the timing of everything is all so wrong compared to now. Example of that being, part of my story that I'm working on takes place at a very famous theme park which has been remodeled since I started writing this story. It makes writing the scene harder. I wanted my story to take place in 2006, but it's hard to when things are so different now.
My other story, which was a series I wrote with an old friend is also stuck. I can't write my MC without her sounding so vapid and conceited. Again, changes in the last few years, including technology, and locations.
I think a writing retreat is in order. I'm thinking Vegas since that is where my stories have some scenes. Maybe San Diego....
I've been slowly getting back on track with my writing. I've realized that I've become a visual writer, or a writer that sees the scene playing out in their mind, and then freaks out because the timing of everything is all so wrong compared to now. Example of that being, part of my story that I'm working on takes place at a very famous theme park which has been remodeled since I started writing this story. It makes writing the scene harder. I wanted my story to take place in 2006, but it's hard to when things are so different now.
My other story, which was a series I wrote with an old friend is also stuck. I can't write my MC without her sounding so vapid and conceited. Again, changes in the last few years, including technology, and locations.
I think a writing retreat is in order. I'm thinking Vegas since that is where my stories have some scenes. Maybe San Diego....
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Digging Up my Roots
When I was in the hospital, my condition was complicated by a simple truth.
I'm adopted, and don't know my family history.
Every nurse, and doctor in the hospital that treated me had asked if I knew if there was a family history of heart problems, or ulcers, or anything that could explain my condition. All I could do was shake my head and cry.
It brought me back to something I had been pondering since I was eighteen. Should I look for my birth parents?
My(adopted) parents have always been my parents, my support system and well my parents!! I always knew I was adopted, and my parents told me that there was nothing wrong with that. My mom would buy my sister and I Cabbage Patch Dolls because you "adopted" them. Mom also told me that I couldn't look for my birth parents because she didn't want someone else to take me away. I later found out that something similar happened to them before I was born. The birth mother came back for their child....
The social worker who had worked on my case had prepared a book that I read all the time, and gave a very very vague history of my birth parents.
When I turned eighteen, finding my birth parents was of no concern to me. I had turned out pretty decent, except for having wonky knees. Throughout my adulthood, the thought had crossed my mind, but I never really thought anything of it. Steph was adopted, and met her birth mom and sister before she passed away. I thought about it, but I remember what my mom had said, and I would let it go...
So the heart attack brought that thought up to the surface. I was concerned about my health, and truly wondered if I could have a disposition to other illnesses or defects. Also I wonder if I have brothers or sisters out there.
One day in February, I pulled Mom aside, and I had explained my situation, and that I wanted to look for my birth parents. I was expecting her to break down and cry, or get overly emotional She wasn't. She was actually surprised that I was asking for her okay, and that it was for the selfish medical reason, and not any other selfish reason.
Here's my first attempt to get any info. This is all I know really:
I was born January 8, 1980 at about 1030 am at Kaiser Hospital in Fontana.
My mom and dad were 20 at the time.
They named me Donna.
If you can help, please leave me a message.
thanks
So the heart attack brought that thought up to the surface. I was concerned about my health, and truly wondered if I could have a disposition to other illnesses or defects. Also I wonder if I have brothers or sisters out there.
One day in February, I pulled Mom aside, and I had explained my situation, and that I wanted to look for my birth parents. I was expecting her to break down and cry, or get overly emotional She wasn't. She was actually surprised that I was asking for her okay, and that it was for the selfish medical reason, and not any other selfish reason.
Here's my first attempt to get any info. This is all I know really:
I was born January 8, 1980 at about 1030 am at Kaiser Hospital in Fontana.
My mom and dad were 20 at the time.
They named me Donna.
If you can help, please leave me a message.
thanks
More apologies, and regrets
So much has changed since February, and yet things feel so stagnant. Again, I feel bad for disappointing you guys and girls.
I'm trying not to make this an update post, but I have a feeling it will be. My apologies in advance.
First and foremost, I have a new car!! It's sad that I'm 33 and this is my first car, but so be it. It's a Hyundai Elantra, and its such an upgrade...
I'm still working where I am. It's a media company specializing in the phone book. It's a fun job, but can be stressful and boring at the same time. It's a long term temp assignment, so I keep looking elsewhere.
Dad had his surgery at the end of March. It turned out to be a quadruple bypass, but he came out of it like a pro. He's been slowly returning back to his normal life, which relieves me so much.
I've been given a clean bill of health from my Cardiologist. I'm still on some meds, but my hope is to be off one or two by the end of the year.
Not much else going on sadly. I go to the gym three days a week, and I try and write as much as I can.
Hubby is still looking for work. Damn this economy!!
I'll have another thought provoking post later...I just had to get this junk off my chest.
I'm trying not to make this an update post, but I have a feeling it will be. My apologies in advance.
First and foremost, I have a new car!! It's sad that I'm 33 and this is my first car, but so be it. It's a Hyundai Elantra, and its such an upgrade...
I'm still working where I am. It's a media company specializing in the phone book. It's a fun job, but can be stressful and boring at the same time. It's a long term temp assignment, so I keep looking elsewhere.
Dad had his surgery at the end of March. It turned out to be a quadruple bypass, but he came out of it like a pro. He's been slowly returning back to his normal life, which relieves me so much.
I've been given a clean bill of health from my Cardiologist. I'm still on some meds, but my hope is to be off one or two by the end of the year.
Not much else going on sadly. I go to the gym three days a week, and I try and write as much as I can.
Hubby is still looking for work. Damn this economy!!
I'll have another thought provoking post later...I just had to get this junk off my chest.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Apologies, regrets and doctor's bills.
Apologies that I have not posted in like forever.
I have been busy with many a trial and a tribulation. My father had a heart attack, along with discovering several blood clots in his chest and legs, and maybe even thrombosis in his leg. It was very scary, and trying on the family. For me, it was especially painful having to be away from my family, and having to fight over something as stupid as the dog, and even me having to move back home to take care of the family
Regrets that I let it get to me.
My family is the most important thing in my life. When I went through my divorce, they were there for me, and in fact had helped me in that hard time. We are always there for each other, and we do the best we can with what we can do. I was only working part time retail, and I really could have moved back in with my parents to help keep them as healthy as I possibly could. My husband and I had some fundamental disagreements about said plans. He felt (and still does really) that my family takes advantage of my kindness and endless empathy. This situation, and other stresses in my life took it's toll on me.
Doctor's bills suck
On January second, I had a heart attack.
You read that right....
The best way to explain the pain was as if someone was standing on my chest, or as someone later pointed out, having a car parked on top of you.
At about 4 am my husband decided that I needed to go to the hospital. Obviously I was hesitant, claiming it was everything from indigestion to the pulled pec.
I have been busy with many a trial and a tribulation. My father had a heart attack, along with discovering several blood clots in his chest and legs, and maybe even thrombosis in his leg. It was very scary, and trying on the family. For me, it was especially painful having to be away from my family, and having to fight over something as stupid as the dog, and even me having to move back home to take care of the family
Regrets that I let it get to me.
My family is the most important thing in my life. When I went through my divorce, they were there for me, and in fact had helped me in that hard time. We are always there for each other, and we do the best we can with what we can do. I was only working part time retail, and I really could have moved back in with my parents to help keep them as healthy as I possibly could. My husband and I had some fundamental disagreements about said plans. He felt (and still does really) that my family takes advantage of my kindness and endless empathy. This situation, and other stresses in my life took it's toll on me.
Doctor's bills suck
On January second, I had a heart attack.
You read that right....
I had a heart attack
I was having chest pain for about a week, but I had originally thought I had pulled a pectoral muscle while working out at the gym. The pain went away for a few days, and then subsided.
At about 10:30 on the first, I was having said pains again, and no matter what I could do, I could not get comfortable. I tried and failed miserably to get into a somewhat comfortable position. Standing hurt, sitting hurt, reclined was painful, and flat on my back was the worst.
The best way to explain the pain was as if someone was standing on my chest, or as someone later pointed out, having a car parked on top of you.
At about 4 am my husband decided that I needed to go to the hospital. Obviously I was hesitant, claiming it was everything from indigestion to the pulled pec.
The drive to the hospital is thankfully short. We live pretty much up the street from the place. I waited all of five minutes before I was taken back to be examined. They did an EKG, and it looked normal. The nurse who was awesome and explained all my options. Either go home, or have cardio blood work. I went ahead, and had the blood drawn. They also had changed doctors...and he told me my diagnosis.
Hubby and I were in shock. Soon after, they whisked me away to have a cardiac catheterisation . They drugged me up, and sent me into an operating room. The entered thru my groin, and into my heart.
I could feel them in my heart, and it was freaky. Apparently one of the major blood vessels in my heart closed up. Freaky stuff.
After that, I was in the ICU. I caught up on a ton of sleep, or as much as I could with monitors on my chest, two IV's in my right arm, and a blood pressure cuff on my left arm.
The next afternoon, I went home. I took the rest of the week off, and went back to work that Monday.
I have a newer perspective on life from this. I don't sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. I'm considering becoming a vegetarian and cutting out the soda. I'm trying to take my exercise more seriously, although having to start from square one.
There is so much more that has happened...and I'l try and update more, but this is it for now
Hubby and I were in shock. Soon after, they whisked me away to have a cardiac catheterisation . They drugged me up, and sent me into an operating room. The entered thru my groin, and into my heart.
I could feel them in my heart, and it was freaky. Apparently one of the major blood vessels in my heart closed up. Freaky stuff.
After that, I was in the ICU. I caught up on a ton of sleep, or as much as I could with monitors on my chest, two IV's in my right arm, and a blood pressure cuff on my left arm.
The next afternoon, I went home. I took the rest of the week off, and went back to work that Monday.
I have a newer perspective on life from this. I don't sweat the small stuff nearly as much as I used to. I'm considering becoming a vegetarian and cutting out the soda. I'm trying to take my exercise more seriously, although having to start from square one.
There is so much more that has happened...and I'l try and update more, but this is it for now
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